I walked out to the back door and just stood there looking at him through the window on the door, a bit paralyzed. Despite my ability to simply accept all the strange things that happen because of Lou, this coincidence was not swallowed as well as the rest of them. He smiled at me, and it was a very silly smile as if he had been trying too hard. His smile disappeared as he noted that I was not exactly lunging to grab the doorknob. He didn’t change his expression for the few minutes I just stared at him in shock, and then finally made a gesture in the window pointing down to the doorknob when he said “It’s not locked, I could just walk in if you like so that you know I am not a Vampire?”
“What?” I murmured since I did not even comprehend him saying what he did. Realistically I had never been much up on Vampires, so I did not even understand the paradox, but I nodded, and he opened the door, and walked in closing the door behind him.
“You really should leave a mirror by the door though because Vampires can walk into your house at will, that is just a myth. They also do not burn up in the daylight, but they are incapable of doing anything, they are weaker than any human …”
“Ok. Let us get something strait here,” I snapped out at him already frustrated and he just got here even, “I just want to know, aside from the lesson on Vampires, why you are here?” and then I stared at him. He simply stared back for a bit and did not offer up anything immediately, as he walked over to my kitchen table and had a seat, “Do you want a coffee?” I finally asked realizing that I was being rude anyway. Damn my proper upbringing. “Try not to be too loud, I really don’t want my son to come downstairs,” I then added as I started some coffee before I even got his response. I could hear him making himself at home behind me but a bit quieter all the same.
“Your son is already asleep. He was reading pornography on the internet because that Myspace is quite the little playground for no good.” he stated with a matter-of-fact voice, like he was bored. I looked back at him shocked at what he had just said but he did not even notice me as he was playing with my salt and pepper shakers. He then added while still examining them, “I am here because you desired me to be here, it’s what happens,” he did not change his tone as if he were simply slipping that in there. He put down my saltshaker and then started sniffing the top of the pepper shaker before I took it out of his hands. I cannot say that I really like how our conversations go now either, or he knows it. Now, my emotions just fluctuate when he is around and it is always the extremes, never just a bit angry, or a touch in love with him, or slightly jealous. Whatever the emotion is it is full bore, and it is uncontrollable to most, and even for me it is hard to get past. “Look, you wanted me here, and I am here now. I am not going to answer questions that are not asked, and I am not going to answer questions as easily as I could, but I am going to answer them as honestly as I am bound to.”
My eyes were looking him up and down now because sometimes the things he says creates more questions. I was pondering if he were trying to steer me away from the right questions to ask, or get me off topic, while at the same time I could not help but feel like he wanted me to solve some of these things too. My own mind is my worst enemy during times like this as I cannot even get the questions out because I am rolling in confusion so as always, I asked as it pertained to the last thing he said, “What binds you to answer honestly?”
“The law of course, because I am governed by a certain set of lawful guidelines that I am committed to follow,” he stated and then looked back at me, “The book, you snatched out of my hands. I am bound by the law as it is stated throughout it, like everyone else should but I just am,” he trailed off to start focusing on his coffee.
Despite the questions that that brought up I decided to stay focused on what I had wanted him here for to begin with. I did not know at the time that had I gone further into what he had just said, I might have had a lot more questions answered than I had wanted to, so all of it was a defense mechanism. I asked pointedly and strait forward, “Who is that that huge guy that you were staring down today out front of the diner?”
I could see the wheels spinning inside of his head, so I knew that I had asked something that was going to be hard to walk around. Course he could have just lied to me, and I would not know the difference, so as I waited, I was mulling over his answer about the “Law” as he put it just before now. He is still overwhelmingly beautiful for a man, and my mind often wanders back to the place where I was totally out of control to even look at him, and then I get angry, jealous, self-loathing, rinse, repeat, “His name is Darius,” finally left his lips when I was just about to go insane inside of my own head. He had brought me back from the precipice with his words, but he offered no more, as he went back to his coffee. I waited for him to continue, and the seething just started filling me again as it did the last time, he decided to not elaborate on what he had just said.
“FINE!” I blurted right back at him with that angry core that was about to attack him in the diner, “Perhaps you could tell me what Persian friend is doing here in this town then?” and if I had been in my right frame of mind I might have seen the instantaneous painful look that came across his face clearer. I already knew that if you saw any emotion in Lou it was measured in fractions of a second. Strangely this all came out really a lot more angrily than I care to admit at this point, but it does have everything to do what is going on. I have no problem admitting that Lou drives me crazy already and I have known him a total of one day. He is everything I never wanted in a man too, as he is elusive, a smart ass, and no matter how much I tell myself I do not want to, I desperately want to rip both of our clothes off and go crazy on him. It is an uncontrollable force, his beauty, and as I remember it so clearly, I cannot ever look at another man the same way. He is the embodiment of irrationality that does not wear a stereotypical face of a female. In and of itself that should make me smile a bit and it does, as I write this, just not so much at the time.
“This is where he ended up, and this is where I followed him too,” and he looked at me hoping to just walk away from what he was saying. I very rudely waved my hand in a circle, and he got the point, or at the very least saw that I was in no mood to be polite. He continued, “I don’t know why, and I can’t find the answers to why he can’t stray farther than a certain distance from me while I am here too,” as he trailed off I had learned that simply saying “continue” would get him to go further into his thoughts, “I can’t find the answers to that and I can’t catch him, but he was a horrible mistake and I am bound to rectify it, by law,” and again I am just lost in all of the law speak.
At the time I felt clever as I caught on to something all on my own, “So that is why you continue to read the Bible. You are searching for answers to what is happening here?” and when he nodded, I felt like I had just won on final Jeopardy, which I watch every day and feel this way if I answer one or two questions right. Come to think of it that was why I knew Darius was a Persian name, but I guess that does not matter right now.
I remembered what I wanted to ask before I drove onward to the question of the other character he called “Darius” when I asked, “Who’s Law? Is it the law of God?” and I was expecting to hear a yes, but what I got was a little more interesting than I had expected. My own mind simply goes to God as the be all and end all of everything, so it is to be expected, and I hear the sympathy in his voice as he is dealing with the questions of a little girl. Do not ask me why I felt that way at the time, but I did, and I also bet everything on the Final Jeopardy question I just missed.
“No, I am talking about THE LAW. The Law that existed before God, the law that binds God, and all those others that are omnipotent, and makes things simply the way they are. It is the reason that nothing falls out of order despite those that would seem all powerful,” he looked up with a very confused look on his face that appeared to be a bit fearful but again might have been the confusion of answering questions that nobody has ever asked him. He then looked back at me, “There were 14 distinct dialects of Aramaic that broke off into many different languages that are spoken today. The most unfortunate of all things is the dialect that the bible was written in was one of the ones that did not survive, and although I know how to speak it, I am without the time to teach anyone else how to read it,” again he looks up confused. Now he started with, “When you hold my bible it changes to that which you understand or comprehend is a better way to put it, as it would anyone else who it wants to understand it, but again, what you understand is not what I understand, and despite my best intentions as I am bound by law to tell you the truth, you are incapable of comprehending what I understand. It is just the way it works,” and he trailed off while he started staring at the pictures of my son on the wall. “He is a beautiful boy, do not ever let him stray. Make sure that he knows the difference between right and wrong, no matter what you do, you …”
I cut him off while he was waxing on about my son’s virtues, but I wasn’t about to let him end with that, and my questions were just beginning at this point, as my mind was clearing up I remember clearly asking him one of the questions that would haunt me for the days leading up to now. The question that he would have wished I never ask but I was in more control of my emotions then everyone else that met him, so it came out all the same, “What is he?”
The look he gave me was deadly serious, and the fact that I comprehended what he said was purely by accident, “He’s an angel, and for the most part he is not affected by the law, aside from the fragments that I can’t explain, like why he can’t get away from me,” and I was about to ask the question before he did the reading my mind thing again, “Because this angel is not God’s problem,” and he looked out the window as if he had heard something. “I created him, and I am the only one that can do anything about him,” he stared at me for a bit and then snatched my next thought from my head, “Nobody has the lock on what is and is not more powerful than what, so God is no better at dealing with another omnipotent being than any other omnipotent being. You have never heard anyone use the terminology, ‘I am omnipotanter than you’ because it isn’t plausible, so only the creator can be the destroyer, and nobody has ever destroyed an angel before,” he was very distinct and possibly flustered with the next words that came out, “I can’t find the answers.” and then he appeared disinterested with what I was thinking, and stopped looking at me all together.
I can only imagine what he was thinking. I say that quite literally because I could barely comprehend what he was saying much less understand the meaning of it. I went from what I thought was a lunatic to what happens to be an angel and still a lunatic. I cannot say I am so happy with the whole honesty thing as it had been laid out by Lou at this point, and he should try the lying thing that I do with my son. Of course I am not his son, and he was a product of those books by the egghead psychologists that I ignore. I was laughing to myself and Lou found it very perplexing, but probably not as perplexing as the things I asked next. I do not seem to know what is good for me now do I? I should just learn to enjoy ignorance and shut my mouth, “You’re an angel then?” I asked, like I knew the difference between an angel and a bowl of wheat, but he started laughing very deep, and shook the long mane of hair out of his face, so I added, “Which one are you?”
His laughter continued as he stated very plain, and clear, “The Law does not require me to reveal myself to you, and I choose not to, as a matter of fact I recommend that you drop the subject, but I will tell you that I am actually an angel, and with your limited knowledge of what actually is beyond this Earth, I shall tell you that I am the fifth angel, and my name is Lou when I walk on this plane of reality, and that is all you need to know,” which prompted him to stand up and start walking towards the door.
“I’m not done asking you questions,” I stated as if I had any control over anything anymore. With the knowledge that I have already I at the very least know that not only do I not know anything, but I will never know everything. Sadly I was able to just simply believe what I see, and I never knew of faith until I actually had it, but he seemed disinterested as he walked by me onward to the door, “Excuse me, but I thought you had to come to me when I wished for you too?”
He turned to me, and the only emotion I felt now was fear as he stared me strait in the eyes. He was still beautiful but at the same time quite terrifying and to be honest with you I had never comprehended him as anything but beautiful. Terrifying was a new one and I would hope to never see it again. As I was living this nightmare I could not for the life of me understand in that very moment why I would ever have wanted him to stay because now I was quite happy with his decision to leave. He stated very slowly so that I could absorb it all, “You asked your questions, and I answered them, and I am only required to come to you as you wish me once in your lifetime, and you have used that up,” he took a step closer to me and I could feel my entire body start to quiver from his presence, “I have chosen to leave, and some day you will thank me for that, well actually I never seem to get the credit, but that’s fine because it is part of the deal.” ... to be continued.
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